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Creative Expression – The Crossroads

(Eh.. I kinda gave up midway on this featured image)

 

Good morning. Technically, I wrote this on the 1st of April.. but, to make sure people wouldn’t mistake this for a April Fools’ joke, I’ve decided to make it public today!

 

 

Creativity. That was something I used to say more proudly that I had within myself. Though I used to draw more often, create characters easily and develop entire worlds and stories out of thin air; refining those along the years.. I can’t say that’s the case currently.

It’s to no surprise for those that follow my content and posts, as little as that number actually is since I do not create content that resonates with a more visible audience. What I’ve always created publicly has been based on things that I enjoy or concern me.. rather than generating content for the sake of pleasing and attracting a larger gathering of followers or subscribers.

There has been no direction to the things I post nowadays. No obvious goal or motive behind my channels, website and social media. What was once an attempt to make my own art, stories and characters public for everyone to enjoy; has dissolved itself to posts about politics, silly things that I find amusing and sharing my own predicaments. There has been no art, no drawings, no stories to tell. Only opinions, from a voice that should probably just stay silent and allow the “grown ups to do the talking” while cheer-leading from behind the voices of reason. With likes, shares, subscriptions, comments and so on.

 

I should know better by now, as someone of my own age, to not behave this carelessly online on my public accounts. I should had kept myself to drawing and sharing stories. Again, that was the original idea when I created the pseudonym “SapphyDe90”. To focus on art, to be genuine yet kind. I guess the “art” and “kindness” got lost somewhere, leaving only the brutal honesty to the public. Unfiltered.. for most part. Lax. Perhaps naive, which is something that goes against what I am in reality.. though it is true that I can act quite childish. Personally, I don’t mind being childish on some aspects, as long I’m mature where it actually matters.

 

More and more I’ve thought to myself what to do with this pseudonym. I’ve been less motivated to draw as time passes by. Yet I’ve been felling the pressure to express my creativity somehow. It pains me that, at the age of 26 (nearly 27), I’m here thinking about what I want to do when “I grow up”. In this case, what type of artist I want to be. Again. I thought I had that set on stone, I was doing well with my art style. My stories and universes were, in my humble biased opinion, well developed and it’s a shame I never shared not even a single one to a wider audience, in a more complete sense! But, alas, people know that I’m changing. It’s a long process, that I’m quite enjoying the results that have been surprising me. But this is not the post to talk about my transition..

 

It irks me that I haven’t found myself time to properly think about what direction I want to take. How to express my creativity. I look at the time, as it flicks by. Appointments, work, resting, feeling like the worst person ever for rarely paying attention to my friends as of late. I come home, hardly feeling like doing anything productive at all. No time to think about the future.. except the treatment or the job that I have. Sometimes thinking that I should probably take time to do that one thing or another that is also important; which I do end up doing, occupying more of my time and continuing to postpone any actual attempt to find a new way to express myself.

But where is the time to think about how to express my creativity? This has been one of the most important aspects of my life, to expose my stories, settings and characters to the world; to make people feel and to make them think. To watch and smile when I see people coming up with their own interpretations. Perhaps even broaden a few minds. To also learn from the criticism, to learn more about myself and others.

 

It’s true, I’m an introvert. I’ve always been more of a listener rather than someone that talks and, while I do enjoy being with my friends, social gatherings drain me rather than invigorating. Since I’m a listener and an observer in nature, environments that produce a lot of stimuli tend to tire me easily.. given that I pay attention to every detail and really think about those details, unlike extroverts. And when there’s too many things going on, it’s no wonder that I get often lost thinking about everything around me. Which is why my definition of resting is.. not engaging with anyone and do my own thing for a while. As such, I spend most of my time soul-searching!

I dwell with emotions rather than facts, though I do appreciate (quite a lot) those that can provide facts. With facts provided by trustworthy sources, I tend to interprete how those facts affect society and the people around me. Psychology and emotions.. the human mind fascinates me and I feel that my role in society is to provide some form of guidance and emotional support. To look at society, or part of it, take note of these patterns and think abstractly about what is the passion and emotions behind the actions and words of groups and individuals. It’s not about what people stand for, say or do. But why are they acting that way? What is really going on, what do they fear, what do they actually believe?

While facts are necessary, and I do hold facts above any type of belief, I feel that the best way to tackle the issues in society is to appeal to the passions and emotions of the individuals interested in listening to the aid that I can provide. Instead of being blunt and talk about the issues and facts, I would rather express my concerns and opinions publicly by the use of symbolism, storytelling and art. What if’s, fiction, abstract. Characters, groups, universes that reflect the emotions and passions that are relatable to our own reality, daily life and current events.

That’s the type of artist I am and has been dormant of late.

 

 

When I was a child, I wanted to be an Obstetrician. Yes, I know. I was a child that, when people used to ask what I wanted to be in adulthood, I would say “I want to be a doctor that delivers babies”. Considering everything, it makes sense why I would say such a specific, yet silly thing.

I don’t think the passion behind it changed at all.. it simply took another path to reach the same goal. To nurture. When I look at everything that I’ve done and continue to passionately talk about, it becomes clearer. Why an Obstetrician? Why storytelling? Why art? Why did I chose to draw cartoons? Because I probably realized, at a really young age, that I couldn’t have children of my own.. at least the way I’ve always desired. Perhaps, before undergoing this treatment I’m currently in; drawing, storytelling and becoming an obstetrician was my way to make manifest my desire to be a mother. To teach, to love, to help someone grow and become a better person.

 

Perhaps the question is not how will I express my creativity.. but how can I nurture others? And it becomes clearer!

I don’t want to make hasty decisions. I really want to continue my treatment and reach a point that I know I’m emotionally and psychologically settled enough to decide how will I do just that. When I asked that question to myself, a few ideas came to mind. But I’m not on estrogen yet.. it’s best to wait and decide once everything becomes even more obvious.

 

 

Thank you for reading this, dear reader and here’s an advise.. analise your desires and passions, your motivations and feelings. If you have never done that honestly and with time, consider doing it.. you’ll be surprised~

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Major Status Update (January 29th 2017)

 

(How basic can you get with a featured image?)

Good evening!

This is an improvised blog post, in order for those that visit my website, learn of the major news I have to share about the future of my content. Specifically, my drawings!

 

As you are aware, I drew almost nothing during this month. And the reason is quite simple..

I’m becoming a different person than I was. Emotionally, psychologically. My HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), though it has been a month and a half, it has changed me on those aspects. And the way that I express my creativity is a little different now, and it is showing signs that it will continue changing for a while. As silly as it may sound, I can no longer replicate my art-style the way I used to. In fact, it has become much harder to do so. There has been little motivation to draw and, when I do so, the results have been bellow what I used to deem acceptable. They have been mediocre, terrible. Garbage. Embarrassing!

During a whole month, I was only able to produce this. There’s sooo much wrong in that drawing that I took a few hours to muster enough courage to click that “Submit” button on both my DeviantArt and Tumblr accounts, sharing on my Facebook and Twitter.

 

That’s correct. The HRT is affecting my creativity and the way that I express it. Which has lead me to decide and announce that I’ll be taking a big break from drawing in general. I have a drawing tablet. I’ve decided that, during this long break, I’ll be developing a new art-style that better suits my new form of creative expression and “dropping the mouse” once and for all. It will take a few months, I’ll be waiting to see what the Estrogen will also do when the time comes, instead of assuming that I’m only going to be affected emotionally and psychologically by the Antiandrogens I’m taking currently over the last month and a half.

If you want to stay updated, be sure to follow me on Twitter OR Facebook.
twitter.com/SapphyDe90
www.facebook.com/SapphyDe90/

In the meantime, I’ll stick to my political commentaries, blogging and gaming (I might start streaming stuff or make gaming related videos)
Thank you for reading and I apologize for the lack of art during this month and the few others to follow. I hope that my reasons I’ve provided have allowed you to understand why.

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The Art of Storytelling

storytelling-01

 

Anyway, bad images aside..

Good Afternoon!

 

Storytelling is perhaps one of the forms of art that I appreciate the most. The ability to weave a story, to expose a message or feelings that you wouldn’t be able to even explain if not by the use of abstract ideas and concepts. To teach someone how to love, to see the world with other lenses. Perspectives, to expose thought and ideals. What is there not to shiver with the exposition of a plot or character that, in many ways, you may end up identifying with?

There are many forms to weave a story and there are many ways to expose your own story. A storyteller cannot be a mere dreamer. A storyteller has to be able to express those dreams in a way that will entertain the minds of those that are ready to broaden their horizons. So it is quite normal for storytellers to also learn other forms of art that will allow them to better expose their own stories. Either those skills be in writing, drawing, video, audio, word to mouth and so on.

There are also many types of storytellers. Those that work with vague abstract concepts. The ones that are rooted in reality and everyone’s daily life or knowledge of the common people. The visionaries that aim for a specific niche or demographic. The courageous that challenge the status quo. Storytellers that want to reach your heart and strip your emotions in order to bring your own innocence forward, to shape it. Curious people that want to bring forward a question or moral gray area. The dreamers that want you to dream, to inspire.

Whatever type of Storyteller you may find yourself to be and in whatever form you wish to expose your own story, always remember that Storytelling is an art that can take many shapes and form. But, most of all, it allows people to express themselves. It comes from the goodwill and heart of the artist to expose their own story. Every form of expression is an exercise of one’s free speech and ability to have their own thoughts exposed for the world to notice and entertain. A novel is not better than a movie. A song is no better than a movie. Fiction is not childish and a Broadway hit isn’t for the intellectuals only to understand completely.

It’s normal for some of the artistic sensible people to always consider their own methods to be the right way for a true artist to follow and appreciate. Much like a child, they scream that their own view is the correct interpretation and model to mimic. They are wrong.

 

Art comes in many shapes and form. Much like there are art styles for those that draw and none is better than the other, Storytelling has many ways to expose a story and the path to success is to refine your own story to the point that will resonate with the audience, no matter the path you have chosen to expose your story.

Many stories work better if they are written, invoking the readers’ own imagination to fill the gaps and self insert their own selves and thoughts to make the experience always unique.. even if the story is the same to everyone. There are other stories that require for the audience to experience it themselves, to insert themselves literally into the story. Then there are those other stories that require for the audience to focus on what’s already carved in stone right in front of their eyes and ears, allowing them to inspire.

Storytellers should know that one must not focus on a single form of expression for every story they may come up with. There are things that work better on a big screen while there are others that are better experienced written.

 

Personally, it’s already obvious that I, as a storyteller, prefer the use of cartoons and comics. Always exploring the world of fiction. I’m open to new possibilities, even though it is true that what I described earlier ends up being my main specialty when deciding how to express that story or idea.

I enjoy cartoons and comics, it draws the innocence from all of us, toying with an adults’ nostalgia and drawing them close enough to the point that they become open to anything that is thrown at them. The idea of making an adult surprised and emotional when the plot starts to thicken and the rabbit hole that is the idea, concept or character.. make the adult wonder if this is only a story for children. Just the thought of making such adults, holding their own heart that has been carved with thorns for decades to maintain their facade of adulthood.. strip them down from their mighty straw houses with the tease of an innocent cake made of skittles.. only for them to eat it whole and watch them widen their eyes as they noticed that the cake was filled with laxatives. Looking at them run towards the bathroom and appreciate that I’ve cured them from their constipation that had begun since the time they were forced to become adults, never truly understanding what an adult really is: a myth created by people who are entering puberty and want to pretend they are grown ups.

 

Anyway, that was my thought for today and, hopefully, this will allow some people who stumble here to have an idea of how I interpret the art of storytelling and how I personally see myself in that art form.

Have a pleasant 1st of November. It’s holiday here in Portugal. A religious holiday for “all saints”, catholic stuff.

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